I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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