I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
