If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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