yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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