Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
