So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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