Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
