I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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