There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
