we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
