I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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