I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
