Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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