apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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