if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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