Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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