Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
