Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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