woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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