After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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