i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
