Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hippo gnu deer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
