Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
