You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
