You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
