Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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