I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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