my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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