Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
