just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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