If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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