wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
