i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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