I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
