I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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