Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
