im drinking this country out of the recession.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh god it's open bar.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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