i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
