dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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