what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
