A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
