I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
