your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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