The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Iāve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about āhow to eat assā. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but itās needs to chill
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