So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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