she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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