WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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