i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
