Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
