no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
