I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
