Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
